There are healthy and unhealthy ways to face our fears. Looking back, I realize I chose the unhealthy route. Drinking and drugging myself into addiction seemed to be my only option as I struggled with my adult boogie men. Yes, I was genetically predisposed to addictions, and I certainly had experienced my fair share of … Read More
[Dedicated to C. Greaves, counselor, who could confidentially say, “I tell people what they already know, but have hidden from themselves.”] As a young adolescent, I found myself to be the class joke. Overweight, awkward, tall and acne-ridden, I was prime material for that role. I suppose one could speculate that my classmates chose me … Read More
“Constantly talking isn’t necessarily communicating.” –Charlie Kaufman We communicate in many ways. We use touch to say unspoken words. Our eyes are the “windows to the world” and our bodies turn and gesture in an intricate dance of conveyance. Addiction found me sorely wrapped up in myself and my conversation topics followed suit—I talked about … Read More
We sit around the table at my parent’s cottage on the lake, the afternoon light reflecting off the water, blinding me through the windows and casting a golden hue on us. This is how I remember everyone, in this light, at this time of day. This is my family, like flawed angels with makeshift halos … Read More
“Imagine trying to live without air. Now imagine something worse.” ― Amy Reed, Clean The stairway railing splintered into dozens of pieces. Two holes in the bedroom sheet-rock and a kicked in door completed my tirade. Forever a pacifist, I was told that I had spit on a police officer and shouted obscenities from the … Read More
Obstacles can unexpectedly pop up during sobriety. But having the first three steps in place can give us the knowledge and the wherewithal to cope. Here they are for reference: Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable. Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater … Read More
Quotes and phrases are something I return to often for reassurance and comfort in my recovery. It’s difficult to choose a favorite, but towards the top of my list is Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity: “The definition of insanity is, doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” This quote really resonates … Read More
“Such is the paradox of A.A. regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of one’s old life as a condition for finding a new one.” –A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 46 When I read the statement above, I can’t help but think of the changes that I made for my sobriety. … Read More
“There is a divine plan of good at work in my life. I will let go and let it unfold.” – Ruth P. Freedman CONTROL. I have always needed to be the one in charge, the one in the driver’s seat.When I felt in control of my life, I felt safe and secure. Nothing unforeseen … Read More
Recently, I had a discussion with a new friend. Upon hearing that I was sober, he asked, “Isn’t the whole AA thing a bit ridiculous? I mean, why bother?” It became clear as he continued that he thought that attending meetings on a regular basis, often for years on end, was unnecessary. “Go, do those … Read More
