We all have pictures in our heads of what an addict looks like. We’ve seen movies with grown men beating their families while drunk, junkies passed out in bathrooms or streets, coach potato voyeurs stalking on the internet. Sometimes the extremity of these visuals keeps us from recognizing the signs of addiction in our own lives. “I’m definitely not as bad as that,” we might think, excusing ourselves because we don’t match the common image of an addict. But the truth is, for many of us, our addictions are far more subtle than we might see in a movie. Many of us have elements of addictive behavior; when taken together, those elements often add up to an addict.
Does this sound familiar?
1. Easy Habits
Do you reach for it when you’re really annoyed? Do you grab something without even thinking about it? Once, the events of a really bad day made you turn to your particular problem, now an ordinary day is overwhelming enough to send you searching for relief.
2. Irritating Regret
Do you wake up in the morning and regret the events of the day before? Do you have nagging feelings of guilt? Are you attempting to block out certain memories? Or maybe you can’t even remember the events of the day before?
3. Mental Battles
Do you find yourself telling yourself you shouldn’t do something? And then you discover yourself in the midst of doing just that? Have you tried restraining your actions only to find yourself rationalizing them? Have you known you ought not do something, but you can’t convince your mind that you ought not to?
4. Strained Relationships
Has tension been building at home? Is your wife finding more to criticize lately? Have your children started to avoid you? Do you embarrass your guests by the things you say? Have your coworkers begun to send concerned glances your direction?
5. Loose Ethics
Are you lying more frequently? Have you stolen to feed a habit? Or maybe it wasn’t a theft; it was “borrowing with the intent to return.” Perhaps you have physically harmed someone—completely by accident—you didn’t really mean it. Have you found yourself making morally ambiguous choices, simply because your need has become first priority?
6. Secrecy
Are you hiding something? Do you wait to do something until no one is around? You wake up in the middle of the night to grab inordinate amounts of food from the refrigerator. You wait until your partner has gone to bed before you get the bottle of wine you’ve stowed away. You close the door before you open up your computer and start browsing on the internet. Your high-risk card games are hidden from your family, friends, and co-workers. You have to keep it a secret.
Author Dorothy Sayers wrote that we know what things are of overmastering importance to us when they have overmastered us. Consider the habits in your life that may have begun to take control. Don’t wait until your life actually starts to replicate scenes from Requiem from a Dream or Leaving Las Vegas. Start fighting back. Get control of your life again.