Have you ever chased something—a person, a job, or an idea—only to discover that that wasn’t really what you wanted or thought it would be?
Sometimes we all chase being “clean” and “dry” in the same way. We say, “If I could just get dry” or “If I could just stay clean.” But then we get dry for a few hours or days, and discover we’re miserable.
If we’re honest with ourselves, just being dry and clean didn’t cut it for us—so, we easily go back to what made us happy—drinking and using.
Does this scenario sound like you? If so, then you’re demonstrating the classic “dry drunk” (or white knuckling) syndrome for addicts.
What’s the Difference Between Being Dry, Drunk, and Being Sober?
The simple answer is that in one, you’re happy or becoming happy, and in the other, you aren’t.
The more involved answer is that recovery occurs in stages. Few of us wake up one day, quit using or drinking, and become a new person with a new way of life overnight. For most of us, learning how to balance our lives is the key part of recovery. We’re learning how to become content, centered, and happy human beings—without substances.
And that process takes tools, training, and time.
Recovery Stages—From Dry to Sober to Grateful
Getting a substance out of the body is really just the first step. Then we have to learn how to live sober. And eventually, if we’re going to stay sober, we need to learn how to live sober—gratefully.
Here’s how Patrick, a counselor at Duffy’s, breaks down these different stages:
| Dry/Clean | Sober | Grateful |
|---|---|---|
| Free of any alcoholic or drug substance in my body. | Free of any alcoholic or drug substance in my body. | Free of any alcoholic or drug substance in my body. |
| Not feeling healthy (well-nourished, well-rested, etc.) | Beginning to feel more healthy and balanced—well-rested, well-nourished. | Have begun pushing my body in a healthy way to exercise and eat right |
| Every relationship is a conflict | Every relationship is an opportunity for growth and learning. | Every relationship is the opportunity to feel the joy of service. |
| Every day is a struggle | Every day is a blank slate. | Every day is a gift. |
| My attitude: “I just want to drink or use again.” | My attitude: “I am more positive and excited about being sober.” | My attitude: “I’m grateful for what will happen—before it even happens.” |
How are you doing? Where are you in these stages?
The Risk of Never Leaving the Dry Stage
Unfortunately, some of us are quite content just to be using or drinking—or maybe just barely getting dry for a little bit. Sometimes, we naively think we can just use and drink and then clean up whenever we want.
Gene Duffy, Duffy Napa Valley Rehab’s founder, used to tell a story in A.A. meetings about Oscar—who planned his drugs and his recovery. Oscar would save his money, then call up Duffy’s to schedule a visit. After setting aside some money to pay for his stint in rehab, he would pick out and then enjoy a night out on the town. After his evening, Oscar would check into Duffy’s to get dry.
According to Gene, Oscar successfully planned (and completed) this cycle seven times. On the eighth time, though, he never made it to Duffy’s, dying before he could get there.
At some point—if we’re going to see real change—we’re going to have to do more than just get dry. We’re going to have to learn how to live a sober life gratefully. And Duffy’s wants to give you the tools you need to succeed.